6/7/09

How to Avoid Marital Arguments with Filipina Wives

I do not mean to be preachy about this because I know different people have different personalities. This is based on my experienced and some Filipino friends who got married to a foreigner. As a Filipina married to a foreign man, I think there is a need to write a few more pointers on how to keep a Filipino-Western marriage alive.

A Filipina girl can be a martyr at times and just try to absorb and take the blows until they reach their tipping point and then they say “Ouch!” Crying is the way a woman says “I’ve had enough!” so western husbands must not get offended by women crying. It is their way of saying “Please take notice of what you are doing to me!”. It doesn’t take much to please a Filipina back. Simple gestures to show you’re sorry is enough, You do not have to rationalize and explain to them why you are or have been horrible. That will only make the matter worse and could escalate to a full blown fight. This is the secret of lasting marriages in a Filipino society. Because of “suyo”, simple spousal complaints are easily addressed to and are not allowed to grow into a big fight.

One must understand the following to avoid marital arguments with Filipina wives:

1. Family comes first above everything else. You might have a very big problem with work or money but when family is involved, everything else has to take a back seat. If a Filipino will be made to choose between a career and taking care of a parent with Alzheimers, most Filipinos will definitely choose to take care of their parents. For nothing will be more important to a Filipino than their family. They would rather be poor than lose a family member.


2. Do not make a Filipino choose between a spouse and a parent. We are all brought up with a belief that we owe our lives to our parents and we should be eternally grateful for that. There is a saying in the Philippines that “one can have as many spouse as he can but he will only have 1 set of parents.


3. Pursuit of happiness is paramount in all relationships. Do not get too absorbed on worries or money problems because it takes away the life in a relationship. You can have too much money but if you lose your family/wife along the way of achieving the same, you will never be truly happy in the end. You can have as much money as you want if there is no one to share it to (and I mean someone who matters to you), it will be futile.

4. Never forget your wife no matter how busy you become. Be aware of your actions and never taken them for granted. Your wife should be your best friend whom you can share your deepest and darkest secret, your worries and you problems without fear of having to be judged. So do not keep things to yourself when you have someone to share the burden with. You’ll be a lot happier this way.




6 comments:

Glenda said...

i second demotion! well written! =D

amiable amy said...

Well said girl and good job. This is really thought provoking reality.

This issue is not new in fact, before I came to the US, a family friend just finished the court battle between her and his husband for 20 years.They have 4 children. I think for her, enough is enough! The root of the problem? Money!

Well, i hope women should be able to stand on her two feet and earn money for herself to support the family back home. I hope men should understand that wives (Filipino) undying support to her family back home will always be present.

To the couple, understanding, respect and communication are important to consider for a good relationship.

ghostofperdition said...

thanks for the advise im getting married to a Filipino woman soon and i think im going to need all the advise i can get. I dont necessarily think i can do some of the things you suggest i am marrying her not her family i refuse to be her family's money tree unless the situation is really really serious i know a guys who's wife's family must sit down and think of way to sucker money out of this guy i wont let that be me. Besides that im easy going as hell and i don't pick fights and know when to back off. So im hoping things are gravy though all marriages hit there tough spots.

Honest Broker said...

Filipino wives are un educated in the social and academic sense. Un able to comprehend conversation topics and only being able to absorb bit or pieces of words that can trigger a reaction in their head. For example you tell your Filipino Wife; I do not like that all your family members come as once to the house because I want peace and tranquility and she will answer we can not be together why you do not like my family, you answer, I am not feeling well therefore I do not want all you family in the house this weekend undestand? I heard you, You hate my family. AND YOU KNOW WHEN ALL THOSE UN EMPLOYED FAMILY MEMBERS SHOW UP to your house they have an expectation for you to feed all of them and of course Filipino people fights for food even if they are middle class and eat like the food is going to finish soon with no manners and their mouth full of white rice and talking with their mouth full of rice.

Zack Smith said...

I have been married to a filipinia for 15 years. The money issues are quite difficult. She works quite a bit, and this money is all hers. I pay all the bills. I'am sorry to say that I do resent this. Her money is used for all her parties, Going out to eat daily. She misses many of our son's sporting events so she can work. I know I am not alone with the American.Filipina issues, but never the less it has gotten old. I wish I knew about this culture before I married....

Zack Smith said...

I have been married to a filipinia for 15 years. The money issues are quite difficult. She works quite a bit, and this money is all hers. I pay all the bills. I'am sorry to say that I do resent this. Her money is used for all her parties, Going out to eat daily. She misses many of our son's sporting events so she can work. I know I am not alone with the American.Filipina issues, but never the less it has gotten old. I wish I knew about this culture before I married....